Are You Holding A Grudge? – A Lesson In Life From “Honey”

Ann "Honey" CarbonIt’s said that in death, there is a chance at new life. It doesn’t only have to be that way for the deceased, it can be that way for the surviving family members too.

Sometimes relationships become strained over time and, for selfish reasons. I’m guilty of this selfish act. I’ve carried this burden with me for far to long. I’m tired of carrying the weight that was probably never my fight in the first place.

With the recent passing of my mother I’m taking time to reflect on the relationship we had over the years. Reflecting on the lessons of life she tried to teach me in those subtle ways. One lesson in particular that was never clear to me until now.

My mom always had a way of taking people for who they were. She had the knack for making you feel like you were the most important person in the room. The only person in the room. She had a saying. “Your not going to change anyone. Either you learn to live with them or you move on.” Wise words from an 87-year-old woman who ran across hundreds, even thousands of different personalities in her lifetime.

My mom, everyone called her “Honey”, never used race, religion or any kind of excuse not to like someone. If she didn’t like you it was for good reason. And, you would never know it from the way she treated you. If you were a friend of hers and, you did get into a squabble, she was the first to forgive and forget. There was no holding a grudge. It was over and forgotten about. She used to say it took more energy to be mad at someone than to forgive.

My personality doesn’t forgive and forget so easily. But it is something I’m going to make a conscience effort to change. When I carry this dumb stuff around with me the way I do, it’s like trudging through knee-high deep mud. Just exhausting. I made a promise to my mother on the night of her death I would try and fix what I broke within our family. I especially need to let it go as it wasn’t my fight to begin with. I need to learn that people are people and no matter how I want them to be (or think how they should be) it’s just their DNA at work and not mine.

And this too shall pass…





  1. Hi there,

    Thank you for the trackback and for referencing my blog post. I agree with your mother – take everyone for who they are. Sadly, it’s a lesson I’m still trying to learn! She sounds a lot like my mom.


    Sunny and Take Back Teal

    1. Thanks for reading!

  2. Love this story! Your Mom was a wise Lady!

    1. She was wise Karen. Sorry it took me so long to realize it.

  3. Wise advice from what sounds like a great mother. We could all use this!

    1. She was a great mother and friend Stephanie. My time with her was fulfilling.

  4. I’ve been trying to think of the lessons she left with me. Lord knows there are tons of them. Keep writing about them as they come to you. I love reading about them.

    1. Thank you! You reading makes me feel good!

  5. We will all be better off if we take time to reflect on her wisdom. She was amazing.

    1. One of the strongest people I knew! Thanks Patrick!

  6. Tony LaMantia · · Reply

    This was obviously a column that came from your heart. It is very apparent that you and your Mom were very close and had a loving relationship. Unbeknown to us, their children, our parents constantly teach us and point us in the right direction all our lives. It is only when you get older and wiser do you realize what they were trying to do for us all these years. You would be wise to heed her advice and make a truely honest effort to correct what ever has been bothering you all these years. Shed the negativity and start that part of your life in a positive direction. I wish you all the luck in the world. Your Mother and your family are in my prayers. Great column buddy.

    1. Tony, I couldn’t put into words what we meant to each other. A relationship I’ll cherish for a long time to come. I’ll miss her but it was a fulfilling relationship all the same. I’ll rest easy knowing she is in His presence now and watching over me.

  7. Joanie Luciano · · Reply

    Beautiful words! Loved it!

    1. Thank you Joanie! Thanks for taking the time to read my gibberish.

  8. sorry to hear about your loss. i feel similarly when i think about my grandmother. we never had the chance to develop the relationship that i think we should have had. she lives through me know and through my blog. thanks for the reminder to think about those above us.

    1. I’m sure you made your grandmother and everyone around you proud more than once.

  9. Why users still make use of to read news papers when in this technological globe everything is
    accessible on web?

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