It’s said that in death, there is a chance at new life. It doesn’t only have to be that way for the deceased, it can be that way for the surviving family members too.
Sometimes relationships become strained over time and, for selfish reasons. I’m guilty of this selfish act. I’ve carried this burden with me for far to long. I’m tired of carrying the weight that was probably never my fight in the first place.
With the recent passing of my mother I’m taking time to reflect on the relationship we had over the years. Reflecting on the lessons of life she tried to teach me in those subtle ways. One lesson in particular that was never clear to me until now.
My mom always had a way of taking people for who they were. She had the knack for making you feel like you were the most important person in the room. The only person in the room. She had a saying. “Your not going to change anyone. Either you learn to live with them or you move on.” Wise words from an 87-year-old woman who ran across hundreds, even thousands of different personalities in her lifetime.
My mom, everyone called her “Honey”, never used race, religion or any kind of excuse not to like someone. If she didn’t like you it was for good reason. And, you would never know it from the way she treated you. If you were a friend of hers and, you did get into a squabble, she was the first to forgive and forget. There was no holding a grudge. It was over and forgotten about. She used to say it took more energy to be mad at someone than to forgive.
My personality doesn’t forgive and forget so easily. But it is something I’m going to make a conscience effort to change. When I carry this dumb stuff around with me the way I do, it’s like trudging through knee-high deep mud. Just exhausting. I made a promise to my mother on the night of her death I would try and fix what I broke within our family. I especially need to let it go as it wasn’t my fight to begin with. I need to learn that people are people and no matter how I want them to be (or think how they should be) it’s just their DNA at work and not mine.
And this too shall pass…
- Cancer Sucks, or Why I Stopped Hating Cancer and Decided to Love Life Instead (takebackteal.wordpress.com)
- One of the lessons my mom taught me (carlthemuse.wordpress.com)