Stop The World I Want To Get Off

The holidays are supposed to be joyous and happy.  With all the disease that surrounds me, I find this hard to be true.

Stop the world, I want to get off!

Between family and friends, right now, my wife and I have people near and dear to us fighting to just make it through the holidays.  Some in more of a quagmire than others, but just the same.  I struggle to make sense of all this shit happening to them.

I’ve sat by for 6 years as one has fought bravely to endure whatever has been thrown her way. Valiantly coping with the decision (after surgery to remove a lung), not to undergo chemotherapy or radiation treatments for a better shot at quality of life.  The other, withering to a shell of a man I barely recognize anymore because of the disease and choice of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. The third, starting this journey and the decisions and unknowns yet to be battled.

As of late on my best day, I laugh that fake laugh, I smile that painted-on smile. I think about my mortality. A fate that is sure to catch me as I run this marathon I call life.  Dust, ass and elbows are how I live my life right now.  Circles are my only direction. Never seeming to run fast enough.

My only hope and wish for this holiday season is for all of you, friends and family alike.  Everyone who reads this blog.  Enjoy each others company.  When you sit around your tables this holiday season and, break bread together, look at one another fondly.  Think of the good times you’ve shared as a family.  Don’t let quibbling and resentment root in you.  There is no greater joy than family and, no bigger loss then when their no longer with you.

To my family and friend. Know that I will be here for you.  Whether a shoulder to lean on, or an appointment you need a ride too.  Your all in my heart and in my thoughts.  Don’t give up the fight.

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2 comments

  1. I know how that feels Tony and I hope you and your family and friends find peace this holiday season and share the love that you willingly give out. The older we get the more tragedy inevitably knocks on the door. The direction of the circle that you find yourself spinning in is also represented in the circle of life. I hope to keep that in mind and focus on the good things in life as I face those challenges that are sure to come.
    Enjoy the holidays brother.

    1. Thanks John. Positive thoughts seem to be hard to come by these days.

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